9 Reasons Why
by criesbloodredtears
Summary: "Scott...You are the first to recieve one of these messages but not the last. There are ten of these little videos running around our little group of...well...I guess I shouldn't say 'friends' anymore. Should I Scott?" Stiles eyes turned stony and his voice hardened slightly with anger before he sighed dramatically and fell back on what looked to be his bed. M for language!
1. Scott

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 1- Scott_

Scott looked at the message in irritation, his time with Allison was so limited that he didn't like being interrupted. He looked at the name and saw it was from Stiles, he almost didn't check it until he saw that it was a video message. He looked at Allison in confusion and she nodded to the phone, willing him to watch it. Scott shrugged and clicked on the little video icon on top of Stiles face.

Stiles looked at the camera with an almost empty look on his face, Scott felt his heart skip a beat when he looked into Stiles empty brown eyes.

"Scott...You are the first to recieve one of these messages but not the last. There are ten of these little videos running around our little group of...well...I guess I shouldn't say 'friends' anymore. Should I Scott?" Stiles eyes turned stony and his voice hardened slightly with anger before he sighed dramatically and fell back on what looked to be his bed. Scott felt his pulse rise at the the tone in his best friends voice and the way he mentioned that they may no longer be friends.

"Don't be so surprised, after all it has been some time since you have acted like my best friend. Well, let me get to the point then; I wont be here much longer and I wanted to get everything off of my chest before I left." Stiles eyes became unfocused for a second and Scott gulped at the implications, turning to Allison with worried eyes. She shook her head and looked at the screen with mounting horror. " I know, that sounded very dramatic, " Stiles released a dry chuckle. "that's because I'm feeling a bit dramatic tonight. Scott, I love you as a brother but I also hate you. I hate you so much, so much in fact that I made this nice video, just for you, for you to suffer when I am gone. This is the last memory you will have of me, and don't worry, I will make it a horrible one."

Stiles moved again and the camera shook as he took the phone across the room to his computer desk and propped it up, it once again focused on Stiles face and the camera had his full attention. His eyes were serious and hurt. Scott felt himself trembling as his friend began to speak about their lives.

"Scott, we have been friends for years, since we both could walk. I had thought that it would always be that way, that we would always be inseperable. I was obviously wrong, actually it's a miracle if you even watch this at all, after all...I know how you love your time with Allison. Oh, and speaking of Allison, there is a video headed to you too. Don't worry, it's just as fun as this one." Allsion's breath hitched and Scott felt panick mounting at the almost sad laugh Stiles released on the video, probably picturing their reactions.

"Scott, what you have is a gift, I know you think it ruined your life but it only made it better. You are now special and rare. You have superhuman powers man, what more could you want? Oh wait, you want the girl, but what's this? You have the girl? Well then, I wonder what is so wrong with your life? Why is Scott so unhappy, why is Scott so abandoned? You know what Scott? Got to Hell." Stiles glared at the camera and Scott felt his insides burn with anger then spread quickly to guilt as Stiles words registered in his mind.

"I would give anything to have what you have Scott. I would love to be special, I would love for someone to look at me the way Allison looks at you. I want someone to want me for me, love me for who I am, see beneath the facade of stupidity and clumsiness I put up everyday. I'm so tired Scott, so tired of being the best-friend to the boy who doesn't even know he's there. I'm just tired of it all, I can't blame you for all of my wariness but you are a major part. I can't even look at you in the eyes anymore man, I'm so afraid that you will see the anger there. Of course you don't, you never would have, because I noticed that you never look me in the eyes either Scott. You never see me, you just see what you think is conveniant for you to see. Well, welcome to the reality of it all. Welcome to the real world, now grow the fuck up." Stile eyes met his for a few seconds then flitted away to the side as a quiet sigh left his lips.

Scott looked at his friends face, tears threatening his eyes at the harsh truth in the words. He felt his heart clench in shame at the way he had treated his best friend, the way he had abandoned him for Allison, how he had blamed it all on love. He looked closer at his friends face and noticed for the first time the dark circles under his eyes and the bruises on his face. Scott didn't remember when he had gotten them, didn't remember if he told them where they came from.

"Anyways, if you did actually watch this, and I'm not sure you did, and you want to see what I have to say to the others on the list then you will have to find Lydia, she's next." with that the screen went blank and his heart beat picked up about twenty miles an hour. He looked at Allison and saw shame in her face as well, reflecting his. He sighed heavily, trying to regain some composure and called his Alpha.

"What?" Was the curt reply on his phone. Scott explained everything as fast as he could, trying to get Derek to understand the importance of his words. Derek seemed to understand immediately and said he would call the whole pack together, including Lydia. Scot thanked him and said he would meet him at Stiles house.

Scott and Allison drove to Stiles house much too fast and arrived in record time. No lights were on in the house and he could only faintly smell the boy on the surrounding area; he panicked slightly and was about to go look closer when Derek's camaro pulled in the driveway followed by the other packs' vehicles. Scott wasn't too surprised when Danny was with Jackson in his vehicle.

"What the Hell's going on? Derek just said it was a pack emergency." Instead of answering Scott took out his phone and started playing the video for the pack. Their were varied reactions but the main ones were glares in Scott's direction. Scott shrunk in on himself in shame and almost jumped when Derek's growl almost overcame the sound of Stiles talking. Scott looked up quickly and met furious red eyes. He shook slightly and Derek took the phone to steady the picture for the rest of the video. When it had ended everyone turned to stare at Lydia apprehensively.

Lydia looked white as a ghost as she took her phone slowly out of her pocket, the moment she did their was the sound of a text coming in. She swallowed loudly and looked at everyone around her.

"It's Stiles' next video." Her voice was scared and small and everyone crowded around to watch the video with her.


	2. Lydia

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 2- Lydia_

Stiles face looked out at all of them, his eyes were sombre as he looked into the camera. They all held their breath as they waited for him to speak, when he did it came out cold and calculated.

"I'm assuming that I timed everything right and that the whole pack is at my house right now, and you may have already figured out that I am not there. I haven't been for hours...well...I think it's been hours. After all, these videos are on a timer and I could be wrong, maybe my phone died and your all watching these in the...Oops, almost let something slip there huh? I know something you don't know." Stiles sang the words over and over for a few seconds before giggling madly. "Sorry, I'm a bit drunk, after all, how could I do this sober? I don't mean the videos, but what the videos conclusion is. I'm sure your all dying for me to get to the point though huh?"

The group looked at one another worriedly then looked back at Stiles.

"Lydia, oh my sweet beautiful Lydia. I wondered you know, why you hid so much of yourself away from the world, why you didn't reveal the wonderful mind behind that oh so perfect face. Then I realized something, something very interesting about you." Stiles focused on the camera again and his face was completely serious as he muttered the next words. "You're afraid. Of everything. Oh yes, I know, I know what it's like to be afraid. Afraid of love, afraid to have real friendships, afraid someone will see something that you don't want them to, afraid that you will slip up and someone will suspect that there is something else inside of you. Something dark, something angry; I know this because I'm the exact same way, except I cover up my fear and my anger with flirty comic relief and you...well your kind of a bitch huh?" Lydia flinched at the words and she felt everyone look at her.

"Sorry, too harsh? Well, that was rude wasn't it? I'm sorry Lydia, really I am. I wish things could have been different , I wish we could have been friends. I wish that we could have told each other things, things that no one else knew about us. Like this, I will share something personal with you. I'm not in love with you, never have been. I needed someone untouchable, someone who would never respond to my feelings...I needed someone to hide behind. I'm not saying that you are not crush worthy, you are, just not for me. I have secrets Lydia and one of them is that I was always the boy who liked boys but couldn't bring himself to be brave and come out like Danny. That's okay though, considering the man I fell for was just as unattainable as you, with all your perfect beauty." Stiles laughed again but they could tell from the hitch in his breath that he was holding back a sob.

"Maybe if we had been friends, real friends, you could have prevented this night. Probably not, but one can dream yes? I don't really blame you...well I kind of do, after all I tried very hard to be friends with you, to get you to open up to me. I was always pushed roughly away, and that wouldn't have been so bad if I couldn't see how much you wanted that kind of connection with me as well, I could see it in your eyes. I could feel it in the way you clung to me even as you pushed me away." Stiles eyes teared up and and he looked to the side as they fell down his face.

"I just wanted a friend Lydia, someone I could talk to. I'm so alone, always alone, always the one that people don't need unless it's something THEY need. All of you are guilty of that, well...all but one. We'll get to that later though." Stiles wiped the tears away and looked right back at the camera, fire once again in his eyes, but this time it was filled with anger and pain instead of his usual determination.

"I sent you this video so that you could know how I felt when I decided to do this tonight, so that you know the hand you played in this night. You were not the grand orchestra, that's lucky number ten, but you had a part to play and I wanted you to know what it was before this happened. I know the pack is with you, or I at least hope they cared enough to come at all, so you might as well know who the next person is. Oh Jackson, what do I need to talk to you about? Let's find out." Stiles looks at his watch with bleary eyes. "You have five minutes to find Jackson if you are not already with him. Goodbye Lydia." Stiles blew a kiss to the phone and then the screen went black.

Lydia felt the tears on her face as her heart clenched with loss. She looked at the pack and noticed the looks of pity or bewilderment but mainly she noticed the red eyes glowering in her direction and the low growl permeating the air.

"We need to see where Stiles scent leads, I don't like this." Derek's words shook them all out of their frozen shocked states and they nodded, Boyd and Isaac went towards the house to search the outside of the building while Scott and Derek headed towards Stiles' bedroom. They looked around the room in shock as they realized it was trashed.

Stiles room looked as if a tornado had taken refuge within it's walls for a good couple of hours. They both looked towards the bed where a single piece of paper was lying with Stiles' handwriting. Scott ran over and grabbed it quickly with Derek reading over his shoulder.

_Down the rabbit hole and back again, looks like you found a dead-end._

They both looked at one another before the clue reached Derek's brain and he took in the scent of the room. Stiles' scent was no where to be found, in it's place was the trace scents of Wolfs bane. Derek growled loudly and cursed under his breath.

"Dammit Stiles!" Derek's' hands balled into fists as he jumped out the window to the outside of the house and met up with Isaac and Boyd who both had a confused and angry looks on their faces.

"His scent is gone, it just vanishes." Isaac's voice is high-pitched and filled with panic. Derek goes and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Derek's eyes take in the rest of the pack surrounding him and he meets Jackson's eyes last.

"He covered his trail with Wolfs bane so that we couldn't track him. Damn him and his brain. Boy's too smart for his own good." He sighed loudly and almost jumped when Jackson's phone went off in the boy's tight grip.

Jackson's eyes bugged out of his head and he just shook his head back and forth staring at the phone. He looked up at Derek, terror plain in his face and Derek reached for the phone and took it out of Jackson's hand and opened it to play the message as the pack once again gathered around.

They all stared at the screen when Stile's face reappeared, none of them wanting to hear the words any longer, but none daring to leave.


	3. Jackson

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 3- Jackson_

Stiles looked at them through the phone and his eyes burned into them, they all felt the heat as he stared at them all, just breathing for a few seconds, as if getting his thoughts together.

"I have to be very quiet in this video." They all watched Stiles' mouth move slowly as he walked somewhere dark, his face barely visible, but his brown eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight and they could read his feelings from them. The mischievous glint in them made Jackson's knees feel weak in fear.

"I'm sure you have noticed that I am no longer in my room, that's very astute of you, no I am on the Hale property." They all flinched and made as if to get up and run there. " Now stop that, I said I'm here now, doesn't mean I am then. Or...whatever time it is for you guys so don't go off running. I simply had to get here to tell my next story, not Jackson's but the one after it." Stiles made himself comfortable on the forest floor and held the phone above his smiling face, the moon's glow lighting his pale skin so they could see.

"SO Jackson, are you ready for me?" Stiles paused as if waiting for something, Jackson just stared at the image on the screen, fear obvious in his scent. " Yeah, I didn't think so, I also have the feeling that Derek is holding the phone?" They all look at Derek in shock, Derek's eyebrows just scrunched together in worry. " Am I right or am I right? 'Course I am. You have always been a coward Jackson. Running from life, from Lydia, from friends, from your birth parents." Jackson flinched and Stiles' smiled cruelly. " Oooh, touched a nerve there didn't I? Well too bad, I don't have time for your feelings right now. I have to get some things out in the open about us, oh well, that just slipped out didn't it?" Stiles smiled mischievously again and Jackson went ramrod straight and everyone looked at him in confusion.

"Woopsie, I wasn't supposed to tell was I? About the date? Oh wow, these things just keep on coming don't they?" Jackson was muttering lightly under his breath and staring at the screen intently. "Oh yes, and what a perfect gentlemen you were, I was quite surprised really, everyone knows that you love Lydia. Woops, another secret out in the open there." Everyone stared at Jackson now as the words washed over them, Scott muttered 'date' under his breath in horror.

"My goodness, I just can't seem to stop myself, but this isn't even the best part. I was excited you know, about you asking me out. Don't ask me why, I knew you were an ass, but I was hoping maybe it was all an act, that maybe there was something else there, just under the surface. I always was an optimist. The date was wonderful of course, nice dinner, nice dessert, amazing kiss. Too bad it was my first huh Jackson? Too bad that I actually enjoyed myself, too bad that it was all a joke to you."

The stares became shocked and they looked between the screen and Jackson's mortified face.

"Oh yes, had a big laugh didn't you with your friends? I was surprised you didn't tell the pack about it, but then again maybe they would have been enraged for my honor, I doubt it but...maybe. Couldn't take that chance could you? 'Course not, you may be cruel but you are not stupid. Oh the laugh your friends had at me, the things they said to me. I know you heard them, I know you laughed with them and the whole time I just stood there and took it. Do you wonder why I took it? Why I didn't stand up for myself? Did you Jackson? Because I still wanted to protect you, still wanted to make sure not to hurt the pack, and you're a part of that pack. I didn't stand up for myself because I know something that you don't think I know. You liked the kiss just as much as I did." Stiles smiled into the camera beatifically.

Jackson felt tears come to his eyes and he wiped them quickly with his shirt sleeve, the rest of the pack were looking at him accusingly and Derek wouldn't look at him at all, his eyes were all for the screen, all for Stiles'.

"I took it, for you, because a piece of me will always cherish the fact that you gave me a great first kiss, even if it wasn't for the right reasons, it was still my first and you are still pack, still family. I didn't want to hurt you...How stupid." Stile's spat out the last words and glared through the screen into Jackson's skin.

"I wanted you Jackson, not because of your looks or your popularity, but because I saw you as family, as pack, and I saw that you were hurting. I just wanted to make you smile, really smile for once. Too bad, I got a kiss though, a real one. You know how I could tell it was real? Do you know how I knew you weren't faking that as well? Because you kissed me like you kiss Lydia. I've seen you kiss other people, watched the way your mouth moves and how your body reacts. I notice everything, with all of you, I notice everything. I noticed when you kiss Lydia that you held her face gently, keeping her from moving away from you, scared she would pull away. You curl your body protectively around her and you smile while you kiss her. Did you know that? That you smile? Well I do. And that's exactly how you kissed me, I remember because I can still taste you on my lips. I can still feel your body heat as you tried to protect me and kiss me at the same time. I could feel your smile against my lips and it was beautiful." Lydia let out and unexpected sob and turned away slightly. Jackson just stared at the phone blankly and his shoulders shook with pain.

"I loved you a little bit then...Only because you let me feel your smile. Still do, always will I suppose, but I had to let you know that it hurt, a lot more knowing that you still went through with the joke, even after I knew that you felt it too. I'll never forgive you for that, for adding on to all of this anger and regret inside of me. For giving me a taste of something that I can never have, for making me feel more alone than ever before." Stile's let his eyes close for a second then opened them again, they all gasped when all they saw was a deadness to the brown.

"I'm getting exhausted so I'll go right on to the next person. At first it wont make any since to you, but when you watch it you will understand. I'm going to send the next video to Derek's phone." Derek's shoulders stiffened in response only to unclench when Stiles' chuckled good naturedly, sounding almost like himself. "Don't worry sour wolf, this video isn't for you, it's just that I can't actually send it to this person because they're dead. You're the next best thing, considering he was your uncle. The next video is all about Peter Hale. Buckle up." The screen went blank.

Derek handed the phone back to Jackson without looking at him. Derek took out his own phone and sat on the ground to wait. The pack all crowded around him and took seats where they could watch the next video. Jackson stood off to the side and stared at the phone in his hand numbly until he situated himself where he stood, separate from the pack, but close enough to hear the next video. No one asked him to join, no one really wanted him to.


	4. Peter

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 4- Peter_

Derek's phone buzzed a few seconds later and he didn't hesitate to start the video, everyone but Jackson looked at the screen, all wondering what Stiles would say about Peter Hale.

"Now I know what you are all thinking. What could he possibly have to say about Peter Hale? And you are all probably wrong in whatever you thinking I might say. I wanted to thank him." Everyone blanched at this and focused back on the screen where Stiles shrugged in answer.

"Don't worry I'm going to explain. Reason number one I want to thank Peter Hale, he bit Scott, and even though it made him an awful friend and made me ultimately lose him forever it also gave him the perfect life, the one he deserves. I may resent you Scott but I still love you, want you to be happy in everything that you do, and face it, before you got bit your life sucked." Scott chuckles slightly at this and everyone feels the mood lift some-what, used to this side of Stiles.

"Now look at you, you're super strong, got the girl, got the pack, have a purpose in life. You live for this pack Scott or so help me I will find a way to get back at you even if it's from the...Oh, you almost got me, almost told you what's going on before you're ready to hear it. Anyways, I want you to live for the pack, you need to help Isaac, Boyd, Jackson and Erica tame their wolves, help them find an anchor like you did with Allison. I need you to help Derek after... after all of this is over, I feel like maybe he's going to need it more than the rest of you." Stiles looks solemn for a minute then smiles again, they notice that he's walking through the Hale house, as if Peter will hear him.

"Second reason I want to thank Peter. He brought me Derek, well, kind of, in a way. Derek would have never come here if not for Peter, I know I know, he came for awful reasons but in the end he got a new family so...I hope that makes some of it worth it, even if only to ease the pain of loss. I'm not going to elaborate why this is so important, because your video will explain all of that Derek." Stiles smiles at the camera shyly and Derek feels his throat close up.

"The third reason I want to thank Peter is for making Derek an alpha, inadvertently, and therefore allowing him to create the pack. The pack that accepted me for being human and weak, not to mention having diarrhea of the mouth." Stiles smiles slightly and the pack chuckles in a fond way. "I know I can never be fully pack, not while I'm human anyways, but I was very close and that's all that mattered to me. That I belonged somewhere again, that I was needed, even if it wasn't because you particularly wanted me there." Stiles looked sad at this and Derek heard Isaac whine softly next to him, he put a strong arm around the boy's shoulders to try and comfort him.

"I loved being a part of the pack, it's the only place that has felt like home...in a while." Stiles smile slipped and he frowned at the camera. " I only wish it could have stayed that way. I know why I couldn't be there anymore, why you guys pushed me away. It even made since, I just...I just couldn't get the logic to match up with the loss I felt, it was like I was being rejected by my own family...again." Stiles eyes teared up and they all glanced around confusedly.

"Sorry, I promised myself I would stick to the positives on this one. I know that you guys only pushed me away to protect me, I'm too fragile, too human. I understand all of this, it's just..I was so happy, well as happy as I can be, and I wanted to hold onto it forever." They saw Stiles sigh and heard it through the speakers. "I wanted somewhere to go, I always went to you guys whenever things were bad, I may not have told you why I was there or what I wanted but it was like you understood that I just needed to be there and I was so grateful." Stiles looked longingly at the phone, as if he could see the pack he loved huddled around it.

"The final reason I wanted to thank Peter Hale was that he offered me the bite. If he wasn't a psycho I would have been very flattered, well, I was kind of flattered anyways." Stiles smiled longingly at the memory while everyone in the pack cried a chorus of 'whats' at the news.

"Oh, I never told anyone, so don't look at one another so accusingly. Peter offered me the bite, saying that I needed a reward for having done so well in tracking Derek when Kate had him chained to a wall. I remember, his hand was so warm as he had his mouth hovered over my wrist. All I could think about was how I could be powerful and strong, how I wouldn't need to be saved ever again, I could do the saving...I could be pack, I could be a part of something. At the last minute I pulled my arm away and said I didn't want it. He told me I was lying. I was, I wanted it so bad that it hurt, it just wasn't from the person I wanted it from." Stiles looked at the camera and his eyes were sad and filled with longing.

"Maybe I should have said yes, then maybe I could be pack for real, maybe I could be with you guys now instead of where I am. I was so honored and a bit giddy that this powerful Alpha was asking me to be pack, that he wanted me to be by his side. He saw me you know, the real me, the side I try to hide. It was like he could see right through me, and sometimes I wonder if you can do that Derek? See right through my mask, see what I'm really thinking, what I'm hiding." Stiles laughed coldly. Derek flinched and the rest of the pack looked at the screen in horror, realizing too late that they could have had Stiles as pack.

"I wondered about it, a lot actually, about where he was going to bite me. It was so different then where he bit Scott and from where Derek bit everyone else. I looked it up, found the answer. Peter wanted me for a mate, that's what the bite on the wrist or the neck means. I was kind of touched when I found out, that he had thought so highly of me. Stupid, I know, but flattering none the less." Stiles smiled ruefully and looked at the camera again, his face growing serious.

"The next one is for Erica." The screen went blank and everyone looked at Erika.

Erika's face had lost it's color and she was looking at Derek pleadingly. He shrugged half-heartedly as she took her phone out shakily.

"Would you have done it?" Jackson's voice made most of them jump and they looked towards him, Derek's eyes looking into his.

"Done what Jackson?" Derek's tone was cold and Jackson flinched slightly before raising his eyes and meeting his alphas head on.

"Would you have given him the bite? If he had asked." Jackson's voice was considering and Derek looked at the pack around him, the question in all of their eyes.

"You know he meant you, that Peter wasn't the one he wanted the bite from. He wanted it from you." Jackson's voice was hard and Derek glared in his direction.

"I would have done it. I was just waiting for him to ask." With that Derek turned to stare at the ground in anger and waited for Erika's phone to make some noise. The pack looked at him, considering their alphas mood, when no one spoke the question they were all wondering Jackson once again took it upon himself to ask.

"Why didn't you ask him? Like you did with the rest of the pack?" Derek growled lightly and red eyes met Jackson's golden ones.

"Stiles was different." That was his only response before the slight ringing went off on Erika's phone, she yelped lightly and the tapped on the screen to start the video.


	5. Erika

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 5- Erika_

"Erika...Don't be afraid, most of the things I have to say are good things. Not all of them, but most of them." Stiles smiled from the phone and they noticed he was in his room again. They also noticed that it was already destroyed. "Oh this?" Stiles looked around him in mock interest. "Yeah, I had a bit of a temper tantrum a minute ago, thinking about what could have been. Don't worry, it didn't last long. Anyways, I'll start like this Erika. It was sixth grade, you had already had your first seizure at school. It was sunny that day and you sat dejectedly on the swings by yourself. I was on top of the jungle gym and I watched you, not because I thought you were a freak, but because I thought you were beautiful." Erika gasped loudly and everyone smiled at her.

"I was so afraid to talk to you, so I didn't, I know I know, silly of me. By the time I got the courage to approach you you had already decided that you didn't need other people, I only got a few words in before you shut the door. It wasn't long after that I figured out I was gay, but you were always my first crush, the girl with the beautiful eyes and the long golden hair. I still kept an eye on you, as time went on, I wanted to make sure that you were okay, that you weren't being picked on too harshly, I tried to distract as many of the jocks as possible away from you." Stiles smiled sadly at her and she felt the tears on her cheeks thicken.

"You always fascinated me, the way you moved, the way you twitched as you read. The way that your lips would quirk up into a small smile when you thought no one was looking. Like I said, I notice things...So I also noticed that you changed when you turned. You became mean and spiteful and the smile you showed the world was nothing like the one I used to see in hidden corners. I was sad at that, that the girl I was so entranced by had changed so much just with one bite. I understand why you changed so drastically, I can't even spite you for it but...I just wish it had been different." Stiles sighed heavily and Erika choked back a sob.

"When you hit me with a part of my jeep I decided that I would stop looking for the girl that had a quirky personality, that twitched when she read. So I did, I stopped looking for her and I made my mind realize that you were a new Erika. A mean and spiteful Erika, a heartless Erika." Erika was full on hyperventilating now and Derek slowly took the phone away and steadied it, Isaac held Erika as she watched.

"I want to say that I'm mad that you took the Erika I loved and traded her with one I hated. I wanted to yell at you, to scream at you and tell you that you were being stupid, the old Erika was so much better." Stiles glared at the phone slightly and the shook his head ruefully. "But I didn't, just like I didn't talk to you and tell you you were beautiful in the sixth grade. I failed you Erika and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the wonderful friendship we could have had, sorry that I took that opportunity away from both of us." Stiles smiled one more time at the screen and then let out a small snicker.

"But don't worry, I will always be your Batman." Stiles winked at the camera and Erika gave out a choked laugh and then cried harder.

"I'll leave you to compose yourself Erika, because I know your a big softy at heart. Next is Allison. Five minutes." The screen went blank in Derek's hand and he turned to Erika, watched her heart break from so few words. Only Stiles would know how to hurt each of them, in different ways.

Derek stood slowly and made his way towards his car, the pack followed in confusion. He sniffed the air slightly and turned his head in the direction of the woods.

"Derek?" Scott's voice was hesitant as he watched his Alpha scent the air.

"We need to find Stiles' father. I have the feeling that one of these messages will be for him and he's going to need the support. Maybe he'll know where Stiles is." Derek looked at the pack and when they nodded they all ran towards the direction of the smell of Mr. Stilinski and bourbon.


	6. Allison

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 6 – Allison_

They had made it a ways into the woods, towards the clearing that Peter had killed those men, when Allison's phone beeped alerting her of Stiles' video. They all stopped where they were and gathered around as she clicked on the video image with shaking fingers. Scott held her close as he watched his best friend talk.

"Allison, I made a promise to you earlier, that I would make this video painful for you and I will." Allison shook harder and Scott held her hands to steady the phone. "I hated you, not a regular hate, not even regular anger. I hated you with a rage and a passion that surprised even me. I didn't realize it at first, just that I didn't want to be around you, then I figured it for what it was. I know, how petty, you stole my best friend so I hated you. That wasn't it however, I was happy for Scott, most of the time, but there was just something about you that I didn't like, didn't trust. This was before we found out you were the daughter to a family of hunters so don't make assumptions." Allison's cheeks colored in embarrassment, that was exactly what she had been thinking.

"I hated you, but only because I distrusted you. I knew, somehow I knew, that you were going to hurt Scott; I didn't know how and I still don't know when, but I know that it's going to happen. I know this and you can all protest it all that you want, go ahead, try me." Stiles released a toothy grin and they all jumped slightly at the anger in his voice. They also noticed him walking closer to a bonfire in the woods, in a clearing, a clearing they were very close to.

"I know this because you will eventually turn against the pack, you will eventually go to join the family business, it's only natural after all. It's natural to want to make your parents proud, to want to be able to bond with them over something so...worthy, a cause so great." Stiles looked at the phone and glared through it to Allison.

"I see it already. I see the way you watch the training, watch _my_ pack when they change, watch Scott when he changes. I can almost smell the disgust on you, almost see the fear enter your eyes. I notice things Allison, and I notice you summing up my pack, like you're trying to find out which is the weakest and which is the strongest." The pack stares at Allison in disbelief and Scott steps away from her to look into her eyes. Allison feels shame and panic run through her and she knows that they can smell it.

"Oh yes, I've seen it, and now they will to, so maybe I can leave without being worried over my pack. I know who you've already targeted as well, who you will go after first when you turn." Stiles voice is harsh and a growl is starting in Derek's throat as Allison's eyes unconsciously flicker to Isaac.

"I can almost feel your eyes looking at him now, you couldn't help it could you, looking at Isaac." Gasps were heard and Derek's growl grew louder in the night air. Allison's pulse sped up and she swallowed loudly, her eyes searching out Scott's, all she saw was betrayal and heart-break.

"Well let me tell you something Allison, if you even lay one finger on Isaac there will be Hell to pay. Not from me, obviously, I wont be there, but from Derek. He knows now, knows the way you think, the way they have trained you to think. If anything happens to Isaac they will blame you, they will come for you. So Allison I suggest you run, run fast and hard and far, because if you don't there wont be much sport in catching you." Stiles laughed at his own joke as Allison took off running in the opposite direction than they were heading, her phone falling from numb fingers. "And Derek, mine Alpha, you're next." With that her phone went blank and they all stared at it in disbelief.

"How did we not notice this?" Jackson's voice is tight in disbelief as he glared at Derek.

"Because, we don't watch everything like Stiles." Scott answered hollowly. All eyes switched to his stoic face. "We were all blind, to a lot of things. To Allison's shifting allegiance, the Stiles pain...so fucking BLIND!" With that he hit a tree, indenting the bark in the shape of his fist.

Derek nodded at Scott and then gestured for the pack to follow him, amking a mental note to keep an eye on Allison.

They then walked as a pack to the clearing that Stiles had obviously been heading towards. They entered the clearing to see Mr. Stilinski passed out next to the bonfire in the middle of the clearing, they also took in a strong scent of bourbon and Derek almost gagged. They sniffed around the area and found small amounts of Stiles scent, it led off further into the woods, toward Derek's property. Hope fluttered in their chests as Derek's phone vibrated once again.

Derek took a deep breath and hit play.


	7. Derek

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 7- Derek_

"Derek, lucky number seven. Seven was always my favorite number, along with the number eight, so symmetrical. I wanted you to be number seven Derek, wanted you to be my lucky number. I said I would explain a few things and I will but you are going to have to stay with me. This is going to be hard for me to say and for you to hear." Stiles rubbed his eyes tiredly as he stared at the phone. He got up slowly from next to the bonfire and headed into the woods, towards Derek's property.

"I wanted the bite from you Derek, I know that you know that by now. I know that you would have given it to me, I know I would have been an asset to the pack. I knew you were waiting for me to ask." Stiles sighed and stopped walking, looking tired and haggard. Derek's heart clenched at how tired the boy looked, at how sad his eyes seemed. "I knew all of this and...I was still scared, scared that you would say no, scared that you didn't want me to be an 'official' member of the pack." Derek growled lightly at the stupidity of that statement.

"Oh shush sour wolf, I know I was being stupid." Stiles smiled slightly at Derek through the phone as Derek sighed heavily at the nickname. "I wanted you to know, the real reason I didn't ask is because...I wanted something that I was afraid you wouldn't give me, I wanted the bite from you, but I wanted it like Peter was going to give it to me." Derek stiffened and his eyes went wide. The pack all looked at him in disbelief and then looked back at Stiles, his sad smile still in place.

"Of course I would go and fall in love with the emotionally constipated sour wolf, just my luck, always wanting the unattainable. At first, I thought that my heart sped up in fear when you were around. It wasn't until later that I liked the way you shoved me up against things, or the way you said my name. I liked the way you looked at me, like you knew I wasn't telling you the truth. I love the way you smell, like the wild, pine trees and home. I wanted to be special to you but I didn't know how to make you see that. I tried at first, to make you notice me, and I'm sure you did but I got so scared, so afraid that it would ruin everything, the pack, our friendship, everything if I told you the truth." Derek felt his heart pick up in pace as pain clenched his insides.

"I wanted to be your mate Derek, I wanted to be with you forever, dark scowls and all." Stiles chuckled slightly in mild amusement, imagining the scowl that was currently on Derek's face. Derek started walking again, everyone hurrying to keep up so they could continue to listen.

"I know that you are probably looking for me right now, know that I messed up somewhere and forgot to cover my tracks. I'm not infallible, especially when I'm tipsy and haven't slept in days. You wont find me, well you might, but not in time to do anything. Damn, I'm really letting things slip today." Derek comes to a screeching halt a look of horror and panic dawning on his face. The pack looks at his expression in confusion before Stiles continues.

"I've gone and ruined the surprise huh? I know that at least Derek has figured it out now, maybe Lydia as well. I'm not leaving you guys, not in the literal since anyways. I'm...moving on, hopefully in a vertical type direction." Stiles chuckled at his own joke and waited a couple of seconds letting it sink in before he continued.

"Derek... he's not...he can't!" Lydia's voice was panicked as she shook her Alpha in fear. The rest of the pack donned slowly horrified expressions as they looked at their Alpha.

"He's going to commit suicide." Derek's voice is empty but they can all hear his heartbeat beating erratically. "We've got to find him. Now!" Derek's voice is commanding and they all run towards Stiles scent, it's getting stronger the closer they get to the upcoming clearing in the trees. The clearing where he met Derek for the first time, the day after Scott was bitten.

"Ah yes, I'm sure you've figured out where I am now, the clearing I first saw Derek. Well Derek, there are other videos to get to before you find me so I need to get moving on. Remember though, you'll always be my sour wolf." Derek's phone went dark in his hand and he growled in frustration and ran faster only to stop when he reached the clearing and there was a loud beeping to his right, his head whipped to the side and looked at Isaac in horror.

Isaac took out his phone and saw the video, he looked up at Derek and he nodded, giving him the go ahead. They searched the clearing while Isaac started the video, not finding the boy but his scent was very recent.


	8. Isaac

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 8- Isaac_

"Isaac, my puppy." Stiles first words bring a whine of panic and longing out of Isaac's throat. Derek turns to look at him in confusion, he had never heard Isaac so desperate before. "Isaac, my sweet loving boy. I know this is going to be very hard on you, I know that you wont be able to sleep without me for a while." The pack looked at Isaac in confusion before Stiles answered the question for them. "I know that I calm your nightmares when you cuddle with me, I know that it will be harder, there will be more nightmares and I am sorry for that. I wish I could stroke your hair and tell you that it will all be okay, but it wont." Isaac is crying softly now, rubbing his cheek against the video of stiles on his phone.

Derek goes over to his young Beta and picks him up bridal style as they walk quickly towards where Stiles scent is leading them. Isaac howls lightly in sorrow as he listens to Stiles words.

"I'm so tired my puppy, I'm so tired. I'm tired of lying, I'm tired of the bruises that I can't quite hide. I'm tired of loving someone I can never have and I'm tired of not being able to be with the family I love. I can't do this anymore, I just can't and I am so sorry. I tried so hard to be better, to get better but nothing I tried seems to help at all. I try to tell myself that I will wake up tomorrow and everything will change, it will all be different. I will be able to tell Derek the truth, that I can hold you without you having to worry that you will accidentally hurt me." Stiles sobs and for the first time they hear the real sorrow in his voice, they hear the desperation and they start to run.

"I didn't want to leave you like this, any of you, but I know that it's time. My body, mind and heart are all telling me that I cannot go on, that I can't do this anymore." Stiles cries quietly and they all hear the dry sobs and the quiet sniffles.

Isaac is by now so upset that he can't hold in his howls. Isaac howls at the moon in a desperate plee to his pack mom to live, to live for him. Derek almost stumbles when Isaac's desperation hits him, but then he realizes it's not just Isaac's it's the whole packs desperation, they're need to find Stiles alive.

They've been running for a good ten minutes through the woods when Stiles finally speaks again on Isaac's phone. His voice is small and broken and they can tell that he isn't going to wait much longer, after all there was only one video left after Isaac's. They just hoped that maybe he would keep talking to Isaac, keep trying to comfort the boy while he's falling apart himself.

"My poor Isaac, I can never apologize enough for this. I really can't, I can't even really try and explain it, I just wanted you to know that I love you and that I really am sorry. All I want is for you to be happy, to live for me, to live for the pack. They'll take care of you, they will put you back together, because that's what a real family does, they help one another." Stiles voice is rough from his crying and they can tell that he will be hoarse soon.

"The last video is to my father, who is the orchestra to this concert. I know none of you are with him so I will also send the video to Isaac's phone. This last video will be live, I doubt my dad is awake yet so I can only hope that when he wakes up he will watch it. I love you Isaac, I will always be with you and I know that you will grow up to be strong like Derek and you will be gentle like Scott. You will be funny like Danny and you will be smart like Lydia. I wish I could see it, wish I could be a part of it. It's too late now, but know that I will forever love you, all of you, in your own ways."

Isaac let out a heart breaking howl that he knew Stiles would be able to hear, he hoped that it would be enough to at least stall the man from doing what he was planning on doing, enough so that they could get there in time. Isaac's phone pinged almost seconds later and Isaac tapped the live feed quickly, still being carried by Derek as they made their way closer to the pack member who needed them.


	9. Papa Stilinski

_A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters._

**9 Reasons Why**

_Video 9- Papa Stilinski_

"Dad, I know that the first time it happened it was an accident. I know that you had drank too much, I know that you were tired of my lies. I know that you miss mom and when you look at me you see her, and I understand why that would upset you. I understand a lot of things, but I will never understand why you did it a second time, or a third or a fourth time. I will never understand what I could have done to ever cause you to hit me." Isaac's howls once again echoed through the forest and they could hear it echo back at them from Isaac's phone, could hear Stiles sob from the sound of it.

"Isaac please, you'll make me so sad. Dad, I love you, and I will always love you but when you hit me it made me feel so...useless. I had always believed that you loved me, I still do. I know that you love me but you just can't handle the pressure of it all anymore. You can't look at me without seeing her anymore, you can't pretend that everything is alright because it isn't, nothing ever is. I want you to know that I love you, nothing you did to me will ever change that. I will always love you, just as I know you will always love me." Stiles sobbed slightly and the pack heard it echo through the trees, their sensitive ears picking up Stiles voice.

"Dad, I would love to say more but my pack is close, too close. I can't...I have to do this now, before they get here, I don't want them to see what I'm going to do, not while it's happening anyways. I don't want the last thing I see to be their horrified faces." Isaac looks at the screen and notices a hand gun in Stiles hand, pointed right at his head.

Isaac panicked, he shoved the phone in Derek's face and when Derek saw the image his eyes went red and he passed Isaac to Scott who hefted him easily. Derek ran faster than the others picking up speed as he got closer to the abandoned barn that Stiles sat against, he could hear the boy's heart beat pick up and he knew that he only had seconds before Stiles pulled the trigger, ruining any chance at saving the boy.

Derek did the first things that came to his mind and called out the boy's name in desperation. Stiles turned to him quickly and gave him a sad smile.

"Knew you were too close, much too close. My timing was a little off, you ran here faster than was expected." Stiles sad smile stayed in place and his hand didn't even shake on the gun, nor did it lower.

Derek crept slowly towards Stiles and looked him in the eyes, he didn't see any fear and he wondered if there was even anything he could do to stop the boy. They heard a howl in the woods close to their left and they both knew it was Isaac, Derek watched as Stile's eyes teared up and fear for Isaac crept into his eyes.

"He's going to see Stiles, he's going to have to watch while you do this. He's going to watch while you die, see the life slip from your eyes, is that what you want?" Just then the pack is breaking into the clearing and they all stop and stare at Stiles in horror before Isaac falls from Scott's arms and he runs straight for Stiles.

Stiles just stares at the boy in panic before looking at Derek in desperation. Derek's eyes harden and he raises his hand slowly, towards the gun that Stiles is holding. Isaac stops just out of reach and whines high pitched and desperate. Stiles knows he wants to touch Stiles, to make sure he's okay. Stiles starts to hyperventilate and his hand shakes as Derek slowly peels the gun away from his fingers, it's then that he notices the medical smell that surrounds the boy and he starts to panic again.

"You need to leave, please leave. I can't, It's too late!" Stiles voice is high pitched and desperate as he pushes Isaac weakly away from and pleads at Derek with his eyes.

Derek understands immediately. "The gun was just in case we got too close wasn't it?"

Stiles nods quickly and looks at the pack surrounding him in panic.

"Please Derek, you have to get them away from here. I have three minutes at best and I don't want them to see." He meets Isaac's eyes and he lifts a hand as if to touch the other boy's face before he pulls it back forcefully and looks back to Derek desperately.

"No." Derek growls out, Stiles looks at him in disbelief before he sputters angrily.

"What do you mean 'no'? You have to, I can't let them see me die!" Stiles angrily tries to stand but has to lean heavily on the building behind him, anger burning in his eyes as he glared at his Alpha.

"We're not going anywhere Stiles, I'm going to fix this." Stiles looked at him, mouth agape in disbelief before he closes it in harsh realization, a stern look overtaking his earlier one.

"Isaac, leave, now!" Stiles turns and growls at the other boy, his voice commanding and not to be argued with. Isaac automatically starts to back away when Derek grabs his arm.

"You're not going anywhere. Stiles, accept the bite." Derek looks at Stiles steadily while holding onto Isaac.

"What? No! This is my choice, this is what I want, please, just leave I don't want to do this anymore Derek!" Stiles yells and then sags to the left and starts to fall. Derek catches him and lowers him to the ground swiftly and runs his hands over the boys short hair as he looks in tired brown eyes.

"Stiles either take the bite willingly or I will do it by force." Derek looks at Stiles his expression serious.

"Can't do that...Derek, why?" Stiles breathing is beginning to become uneven and Derek growls in worry before exposing the boy's throat.

"You idiot. I would have said yes." With that Derek bit into the boys neck, marking him with his bite as Alpha, marking Stiles as mate.

Stiles yelled in shock and pain and grabbed onto Derek's hair in an attempt to stem the pain.

Derek lingered over the bite for a minute, wanting to make sure it took before he pulled back, licking the blood from his lips. Isaac handed him his shirt and he pressed it against the wound stemming the blood flow.

Stiles was breathing hard as he glared at Derek above him.

"That hurt you ass! I swear, don't sugar coat it or prepare me for it or anything, just dive right on in! Anyone else want a bite because apparently it's free!" Stiles huffed in annoyance at the Alpha and Derek just smirked down at him.

"You know, a lot of things could have been avoided if you had just asked." Derek's voice is quiet and Stiles looks at him steadily before breathing out a sigh and holding his hand out to where he knows Isaac is waiting. As if summoned the boy latched onto Stiles side and began rubbing his head all along Stiles unoccupied side.

"You could have asked too you know." Stiles mutters under his breath and Derek chuckles slightly.

"I guess I should have." Derek looked at Stiles solemnly before stroking the bruises on his face tenderly. "When did this start?" Stiles looked away and started petting Isaac's hair idly.

"A month ago, when you told me not to come to the hide-out anymore." Derek opened his mouth to apologize but Stiles stopped him. "I know why you did it. You didn't want me getting hurt. I understood, I still do. It just meant that I had no where to run when my dad drank."

Derek growled and Stiles sensed what the Alpha was going to say.

"You're not going back there." It was Isaac's voice that said what the Alpha had been about to say. "I wont let you Stiles." Isaac looked at Stiles with determination and Stiles smiled at him tenderly.

"Only because my puppy said so." With that Stiles turned and surveyed the rest of the pack who had stayed back at their Alpha's command. He tilted his head slightly to look at Derek before raising an eyebrow, he received a shrug in response.

"Come on guys, come over so you can yell at me." The packs shuffled closer to him, most looking at their feet or at the bite on his neck, none meeting his eyes. Stiles sighed in resignation and tried to sit up but was held down by a growling Alpha.

"Look at him and tell him what you want to say." Derek's voice held no argument and they all met his eyes, one at a time and then they all let out a whine and all found a way to touch Stiles.

They ended up Stiles laying half on Derek while Isaac spooned him from behind. Jackson and Lydia were lying tangled up in his and Derek's legs while Boyd curled protectively around their heads, Erika lay on the other side of Isaac and had and arm slung over him and wrapped her fingers around Stile's hip.

The pack puppy piled around Stiles and made sure he smelled of them and not of sadness or hurt. They made sure he felt no pain and felt loved. They made sure that he knew he was pack, the most important piece.


	10. Alt Papa Stilinski

_This is an alternate ending to '9 Reasons Why' it was hard to write and even harder to post. Do NOT read this if you have trouble with death or suicide. Thank you so much for your support through this story._

A/N: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters.

**9 Reasons Why Alternate Video 9- Papa Stilinski**

"Dad, I know that the first time it happened it was an accident. I know that you had drank too much, I know that you were tired of my lies. I know that you miss mom and when you look at me you see her, and I understand why that would upset you. I understand a lot of things, but I will never understand why you did it a second time, or a third or a fourth time. I will never understand what I could have done to ever cause you to hit me." Isaac's howls once again echoed through the forest and they could hear it echo back at them from Isaac's phone, could hear Stiles sob from the sound of it.

"Isaac please, you'll make me so sad. Dad, I love you, and I will always love you but when you hit me it made me feel so...useless. I had always believed that you loved me, I still do. I know that you love me but you just can't handle the pressure of it all anymore. You can't look at me without seeing her anymore, you can't pretend that everything is alright because it isn't, nothing ever is. I want you to know that I love you, nothing you did to me will ever change that. I will always love you, just as I know you will always love me." Stiles sobbed slightly and the pack heard it echo through the trees, their sensitive ears picking up Stiles' voice.

"Dad, I would love to say more but my pack is close, too close. I can't...I have to do this now, before they get here, I don't want them to see what I'm going to do, not while it's happening anyways. I don't want the last thing I see to be their horrified faces." Isaac looked at the screen and noticed a hand gun in Stiles hand, pointed right at his head. Isaac panicked, he shoved the phone in Derek's face and when Derek saw the image his eyes went red and he passed Isaac to Scott who hefted him easily.

Derek ran faster than the others picking up speed as he got closer to the abandoned barn that Stiles sat against, he could hear the boy's heart beat pick up and he knew that he only had seconds before Stiles pulled the trigger, ruining any chance at saving the boy. Derek did the first things that came to his mind and called out the boy's name in desperation.

Stiles turned to him quickly and gave him a sad smile. "Knew you were too close, much too close. My timing was a little off, you ran here faster than was expected." Stiles sad smile stayed in place and his hand didn't even shake on the gun, nor did it lower.

Derek crept slowly towards Stiles and looked him in the eyes, he didn't see any fear and he wondered if there was even anything he could do to stop the boy. They heard a howl in the woods close to their left and they both knew it was Isaac, Derek watched as Stile's eyes teared up and fear for Isaac crept into his eyes. He grasped that weakness and ran with it desperately.

"He's going to see Stiles, he's going to have to watch while you do this. He's going to watch while you die, see the life slip from your eyes, is that what you want?" Just then the pack is breaking into the clearing and they all stop and stare at Stiles in horror before Isaac falls from Scott's arms and he runs straight for Stiles. Stiles just stares at the boy in panic before looking at Derek in desperation. Derek's eyes hardened and he raised his hand slowly, towards the gun that Stiles was holding only to be stopped abruptly by a barrier.

Derek growled in anger and looked at the ground, a line of mountain ash surrounded Stiles, none of them would be able to get to Stiles except maybe Danny, Derek looked to the boy and Danny nodded understanding, he moved towards the circle but was stopped just like Derek.

"Sorry, I figured out how to ward against everyone but myself." Stiles voice was weak and he dropped the gun to the ground. "I'm so sorry Isaac, I know this isn't what you wanted, I know you wanted more time." Stiles coughed harshly and came away with blood on his fingers. "Derek, you need to make them leave, you all need to leave. There's nothing for you to do, I've decided and nothing you say or do will change my mind." Stiles eyes became blurry but the boy found some inner strength and straightened up into a proper sitting position.

"Isaac, leave, NOW!" Stiles raised his voice into a command and the whole pack flinched at his tone. Isaac whined but obeyed, backing into the trees surrounding the clearing. The rest of the pack looked between Stiles and Isaac before they too retreated, they were all hoping maybe Derek could get through to Stiles.

Derek sat just outside the circle, his teeth grinding in anger.

"Stiles, you have to break the circle so I can bite you. The poison wont work if I give you The Bite." Derek's eyes became pleading and he watched Stiles brown eyes focus on him in determination before the boy smiled sadly at him.

"No Derek, I'm sorry, but it's too late. This is what I want, this is my decision and you can't take it away from me. I-I don't want you to blame yourself okay? This...this is my decision, I take all of the blame. I know it's a lot to ask but...can you take care of my dad? If no one is there he'll...well it wont be good."

Derek felt the tears before he realized he was crying. He could smell the poison taking root, taking the boy closer and closer to death. Derek nodded his acquiesce and Stiles nodded back in happiness.

Stiles smiled beatifically at him and then turned towards the sky, his smile now shaky as his own tears fell down his cheeks. Stiles took a deep breath and then let it out, his eyelids fluttered and Derek howled as his last heartbeat rang loudly in his ears. He heard the pack howl in agony with him but didn't acknowledge it, all he could see was the boy before him, pale skin gleaming in the light of the moon above. Derek reached for him and slipped past the ward easily, the magic broken now that Stiles was gone. Derek wrapped himself around Stiles body and howled. The pack joined in around him and they all crowded around, their hands reaching to touch Stiles, to smell him one last time before his scent disappeared forever.

The funeral was held three days after, the entire pack attended as well as most of the lacrosse team. The entire Beacon Hills police department were there, which of course included Sheriff Stilinski.

The man was distraught, his eyes red with crying and three day old stubble covering his face. Derek had been there when the man had watched his son's last words, had seen the man break from his guilt, had seen it change something inside of him.

The pack and Stiles' father stayed at the grave long after the ceremony, trying to hold onto Stiles for as long as possible, some still hoping it was all a bad dream of some kind. They could all hear the sobs that John Stilinski was letting out, they all stayed as the man knelt on his son's grave and cried. "You can't be gone Stiles, I can't, I can't lose you too." John covered his face with his hands but the pack could still hear him. "I didn't get to say I was sorry, didn't get to tell you how much I loved you. Stiles...please." No one answered him and the sheriff eventually got up and went home to his empty house, filled with memories and bitter regret.

The Pack stayed longer, each lingering on their memories of Stiles and trying to find the strength to go on, to live their lives for Stiles. Derek was the last to leave, he stood staring at Stiles headstone and felt the guilt eating him alive. If he hadn't told the pack to leave Stiles alone, if he hadn't pushed him away then this would have never happened. Stiles would be here, with him, would be his Mate, his everything.

_"____I-I don't want you to blame yourself okay? This...this is my decision, I take all of the blame."_

The words rang in his head and he choked back a sob and then let out a torn chuckle. Of course he would hear Stiles voice in his mind, would hear the boy, even in death trying to take care of Derek, to make sure he didn't feel any guilt over his death. Derek took one more look at the grave and then went to follow his pack home.

Every year after the pack would gather at Stiles' grave and tell him about their lives, the good and the bad and they hoped he was proud of them, proud of what they had accomplished in their lives, they had lived with his memory in their hearts and tried their hardest to make him proud. Derek knew he would be proud of the pack, of how they had grown, how they had made wonderful lives for themselves.

Derek hoped Stiles would be proud of him, of how he had improved as an Alpha and made sure his pack never wanted for anything, of how he visited the Stilinski house at least once a week to make sure John was doing okay and eating healthy, just like Stiles would have wanted. They came every year, and every year they could feel him around them, guiding them. Derek felt like sometimes he could feel the boy's brown eyes watching him, warming with a wide grin.

Derek knew he would never see the smile again but even the memory of it warmed something inside of him. Derek trailed his fingers over the headstone slowly, his fingers lingering over Stiles first name before smiling sadly at the ground. Wherever Stiles was he knew that he would see him again, one way or another.


End file.
